- The Discipline of Marriage Ephesians 5:25–33
- The loudest sermon you’ll ever preach is not from this pulpit, it’s from your marriage. And right now, some of you are preaching heresy at home. Some of you are flourishing good job. We want all to.
- A church is a family of families and if you’re married, the importance of managing your marriage is the most important part of your Christian witness and walk with Christ this side of Heaven
- And if you’re NOT married, you should want to see marriages flourish! Single people should help
- Ephesians 5:27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
- We decry the destruction of the nuclear family, we chide the immoral and the celebration of debauchery but we don’t take the vows of our marriage as cosmically important as it is.
- Genesis says from the beginning he made them, male and female and then says that its not good for man to be alone. We walk out the plans and purposes of God when we marry
- We marry in the Church, often times to meet the spiritual requirements, but we don’t take the holy institution as seriously as we should. Our marriages are a sermon to the world-Christ is real
- If your marriage doesn’t reflect Christ and the Church, don’t tell me about your ministry, your prayer life, or your calling. Because God says: start at home.
- The whole of the story of scripture is the unfolding of Gods holy family being separate from the world and God redeeming humanity unto himself. The institution of marriage is the story
- Our Story is God, loving a people as a father loves a wife and family. (no gay marriage)
- Mal 2:15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
- Isaiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.
- Jeremiah 3:14 “Return, O backsliding children,” says the Lord; “for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion.”
- Hosea 2:19–20 I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the Lord.
- And he loves us, the church as a husband loves his bride and our lives should mirror that
- Ephesians 5: 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
- disciplined Christian marriage reflects Christ and the Church, and it is the foundation for every other discipline of the Christian life. If you fail in your primary relationship, you are failing.
- You will never be closer to another human being than you will be with your spouse. There will be no one you will be more intimate, more close, connected and spend time w than your spouse
- Getting married is easy. Having a great marriage shouldn’t be hard. You make it your main priority. More than kids, job, hobbies, self development and even ministry. (single get ready-read books I did)
- Every other relationship and activity is secondary to your marriage. Every single one.
- We’ve been in the ‘how we live’ series for the past couple months. All of these disciplines fail without a great marriage. I know there’s people here who aren’t married and are hoping for one. It’s a great time to wrap your mind around what it is and what is should be.
- You should want every marriage around you to flourish to display the grandeur of God.
- Discipline of Mutual Trust
- To flourish in your marriage, you must have a foundation of mutual trust. Completely
- This means you trust your spouse with your thoughts, dreams, and brokenness
- You trust them with your plans, your money, your location, your vulnerability
- Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
- And that goes both ways. You must build an environment of trust within your marriage
- That means, you don’t do things that break trust. You watch your self, catch your self. Discipline
- Many people talk to their spouse, treat there spouse, and live out a way that if it were a job they’d get fired, and if you treated a friend that way, they would reject you and stay away. Discipline!
- I separate myself from destructive people. I don’t spend time with people who belittle me, put me down, are emotionally inconsistent, conniving, secretive and aren’t real vulnerable people.
- But some think because a ring is on a finger, they can destroy the love of their life in action
- Pr 25:19 Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble Is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint.
- Who wants to be in relationship with an unfaithful person? It’s the most horrible thing
- Not doing what you said you would do, not being where you said you would be, not following through with the minutia of the day are things that you do to destroy trust. Be disciplined!
- And if you’re single- waiting on a spouse- become the most trustworthy person around.
- You build walls of defense against your spouse to protect yourself from the vulnerabilities of your brokenness because you don’t want them to see the true you and have to change!
- Pro 12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.
- Do you know how you build trust? Consistency. You build it with little bricks of actions over the course of time. Tiny little deposits that you make over the long term. What you say, do, be etc.
- Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much.
- And this trust translates. The one who has no trust in their marriage has no trust with their children, their friends, their fellow church members, their business associates. They are avoiding you.
- And you can see it in how couples walk together. How they touch, motion, look, talk etc.
- So No secret lives, no hidden grudges build habits of transparency and reliability
- And its not too late! If trust has been destroyed it can be rebuilt! Its worth it to restore!
- Constant open communication over the long term build this trust. Be a person your spouse can depend on in in all areas. No Gossip. No bad talking. No grudges. No secrecy. Defensiveness.
- Discipline of Mutual Love
- There has to be love in your marriage. Deep passionate love that is a constant in your marriage
- You look for ways to love your spouse the way they want and need to be loved
- Touch, gifts, service, words of affirmation, quality time are the five they say.
- But sometimes people say “that’s not my love language”. You can learn a new language and you should speak these five to your spouse loudly every single chance you get.
- Touch daily. Hug. Kiss. Sit next to each other. Touch in car. It says “I’m here I’m not leaving”
- Give gifts. Call on way home to buy it says “even when we’re not together you’re on my mind”
- Do service. Do things for them just because it says “I’m fighting my selfish nature to love you”
- Speak life to them. Look for ways to praise them. It says “I notice how special you are to me”
- Spend most time together. Lots of alone time doing life it says “you are my best friend above all “
- 1 John 3:18 …let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
- People say- I love my spouse, but is there any evidence of it? Is it just words? What evidence?
- Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church…
- The parallels are endless. You say you love the Lord, but is there evidence? Do you speak to him, spend time with him, give him your best gifts? Do acts of service for him? Are you disciplined?
- You’re displaying to your spouse, yourself, your kids, your family, I serve a mighty God-watch
- Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another…
- Love in marriage is not a feeling but a disciplined act of daily sacrifice.
- Christians love. Even single people can build this habit of being a loving person. Start today
- Ask every day, “How can I love you my spouse in action today?” ask them what they want.
- If your spouse has to guess if you love them, you’re already failing. Set reminders if you have to
- Discipline of Mutual Forgiveness
- All of the scriptures about forgiveness in the Bible apply to marriage as well.
- Always surprising to hear people share these powerful testimonies of the forgiveness of God in their life: drugs, alcohol, sex, lying, cheating, stealing etc and then not extend that to spouse
- If Jesus can forgive you for the worst actions of your life, you need to forgive your spouse as well
- You’re living with someone who is just as broken as you, and grace and forgiveness should reign.
- Colossians 3:13 Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another…
- Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…
- Mark 11:25 …forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you…
- By the standard of scripture, God says if you don’t forgive others, he wont forgive you!
- This is a very challenging demonstrative scripture that should put you in your spiritual place with your spouse. You shouldn’t let one day go by where you don’t forgive them for everything
- “you don’t know what they did”. No, but God knows what you did, and somehow he found a way to forgive your nasty destructive selfish heart. Forgive your spouse (and actually everyone) constantly
- That’s the sticking point- you begin to think of yourself more highly than you ought you consider yourself better than others instead of keeping yourself in spiritual check.
- If your spouse knew what you thought, and what you didn’t do, and what you did do, they’d be destroyed, but for some reason, your spouse does one little misstep and you use it as leverage.
- Said it before- Spurgeon “If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be.”
- Its so good. We are far worse than people actually accuse us of. He even goes further!
- “If he charges you falsely on some point, yet be satisfied; for if he knew you better he might change the accusation, and you would be no gainer by the correction… If you have your moral portrait painted, and it is ugly, be satisfied; for it only needs a few blacker touches and it would be still nearer the truth.”
- You’re not perfect and neither is your spouse. Quit withholding forgiveness. Just forgive.
- Grudges poison intimacy; forgiveness restores unity. Start forgiveness TODAY
- You can rebuild today by owning your stuff today. Forgiveness is the path to restoration.
- Don’t let the sun go down on your anger practice immediate release and reconciliation.
- Here’s the great news- Christ forgives everyone! Forgiveness can heal your marriage
- Marriage as Your First Ministry
- We’ve all heard it. A big time pastor, or even a small local one has a marriage that ends
- And I’ve known it at arms length. Pastor years ago I knew. Marriage fell apart, finds out police were called for domestic violence, porn addiction, anger, disobedience. All came out
- He’d post pictures on SM of his family worshipping together. Trying to paint a diff. picture.
- Singles- don’t be out there fornicating saying you’ll square up when they show up. HOLY NOW
- 1 Timothy 3:4–5 One who rules his own house well…
- The Church of you needs to be clean and holy and righteous. It’s the most important ministry.
- Not preaching. Worship team. Influence. Online devotions and grandstanding to cover it up.
- I am privy to many destructive marriages that try to deceive with a strong fb post. Disgusting.
- Instead of trying to deceive others, spend the time to run the church of you correctly.
- Joshua 24:15 But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
- Create a house that is orderly, loving, consistent, peaceful, evangelistic, and holy.
- Titus 2:4–5 …that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
- Your marriage is your first congregation. If your home isn’t in order, nothing else in your life or ministry will be. Nothing. You can’t cover it up forever. It always will come crumbling down.
- Prioritize your marriage over career, hobbies, or even public ministry. If you win the world but lose your marriage, you lose. Don’t preach better at church than you live at home.
- Crystal and I absolutely love each other deeply and if church ministry becomes too much I choose her. We choose each other. Over everyone and everything every single time.
- Marriage as a Witness to Christ
- Your marriage is a living breathing example of a savior who laid his life down for all
- Ephesians 5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
- The Church is important, but the living breathing example of the church of you is your marriage.
- To what destruction and pain are you asking others to join if your marriage is garbage?
- John 13:35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.
- Your marriage should be so disgustingly schmoopie schmoopie that others look at you weird
- They should ask? Why does that marriage look so different? Why is their love so strong? How can they get through so much and still be happy? What’s the secret to their lasting love?
- Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men…
- People should see you, your marriage, and see a couple of great broken Christian people.
- It’s a DISCIPLINE. And disciplines are day in day out of a long term style of living.
- A disciplined marriage is not just for your own joy but is a living parable of Christ’s covenant love. Your kids, your church, your neighbors all see Jesus in how you love your spouse.
- live your marriage as a testimony the way you treat your spouse preaches louder than your sermons, your songs, or your social media. Come back to the wife of your youth. SINGLES GET READY
- No more hypocrisy. No more inconsistencies. No more lying to one another.
- The gospel people believe is the one they see in your marriage.
- A disciplined marriage isn’t just about staying together it’s about showing the world what Jesus looks like.
- Church, the strongest sermon people will ever hear is not preached from this pulpit but lived out in your marriage. Your marriage is not just about you, it is about Christ and His Church. So let me challenge you: recommit to trust, to love, to forgiveness, to making your marriage your first ministry, and to living as a witness of Christ 1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done with love.
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